Coping with stress as a new mum

Is it normal to feel so tired and anxious after giving birth?

Yes. In the hours after the birth, hormone levels drop suddenly, and the physical strain of giving birth, whether vaginally or by caesarean, takes weeks to pass: the Italian Ministry of Health explains this. Meanwhile, everything changes: sleep, routines, your relationship, work. Feeling overwhelmed at times is part of the transition, and says nothing about what kind of mother you are.

The most common form has a name: the baby blues. Low mood, tearfulness, irritability and restlessness, peaking three or four days after the birth. According to the Ministry, more than 70% of new mums experience it, and it tends to fade on its own, usually within the first 10–15 days.

How can you tell if it's postnatal depression?

Postnatal depression is something different: it doesn't go away on its own. According to studies cited by the Italian Ministry of Health, it affects 7 to 12% of new mums; it usually begins between the sixth and the twelfth week after the birth and, without treatment, can last for months.

The Italian National Institute of Health (Istituto Superiore di Sanità, ISS) lists some signs to look out for, in yourself or in someone you love:

• frequent bouts of crying, for no obvious reason;
• struggling to feel a bond with your baby, looking after them only out of duty;
• seeing fewer and fewer people;
• often feeling that there's no hope;
• neglecting to look after yourself;
• constantly worrying that something is wrong with your baby, even after being reassured.

It's nobody's fault. The ISS says so clearly: it can happen to anyone, and it doesn't mean you're a bad mother. Effective support and treatment are available, even if you're breastfeeding: your doctor will choose the right ones for you.

What helps, day by day?

• Talk about how you feel. To your partner, a friend, your mum. According to the Italian Ministry of Health, talking to someone you trust is often a relief in itself.
• Accept help. There's no need to be a supermum, the ISS reminds us: ask the people who love you to take care of the shopping, the meals and the chores.
• Rest when you can. During the day while your baby sleeps, and at night taking turns with your partner.
• Get out for a walk. The Ministry points out that after giving birth, physical activity helps reduce anxiety and depression and improves mood. Start gently; after a caesarean or a complicated birth, check with your midwife or doctor first.
• Eat regularly. Without skipping meals, and steering clear of alcohol.
• Carve out a moment for yourself. An unhurried shower, a little music, a few pages of a book.
• Look for other mums. Your midwife or the maternal and child health services in your area can put you in touch with a support group near home.
• Let go of perfection. Advice from books and from other mums is food for thought, not a set of rules: every family finds its own way.

Who can you ask for help?

If you think you might be depressed, or if the anxiety won't let up, the ISS advises talking to your GP or midwife as soon as possible. You can also turn to the family health clinic (consultorio familiare) in your area, which you'll find on the Italian Ministry of Health's map. Asking for help early makes everything lighter, for you and for your baby.

How can the people close to you help?

To partners, grandparents and friends: the most useful gift is time. A night's sleep, a lunch ready on the table, a walk with the baby while she rests. And listening without correcting. If you notice the signs of depression, encourage her to talk to her doctor, her midwife or someone she trusts, and offer to go with her.

For the first weeks at home, you'll find more practical tips in our guide to the first weeks with your newborn.